Two birds with one stone is a good kill but don't try it with dentists appointments in the Fat Ass Cadillac. Wally had his at 1:45 and mine was at one. Both easy appointments, no heavy dental shit. And even though the two dental offices are about five miles from each other, that's the Wilshire corridor from West Los Angeles to Beverly Hills. Wally's is in the heart of, 90210 right across from 'The' Spago. Parking in either is by divine inspiration or murder. One has to communicate to all gods ever been and those yet to come, for driving there has driven lesser men--mad.
There is the Federal Building on Wilshire. Want to protest something? Well you go to Wilshire and Federal, right where the fed building sits, next to the 405 freeway, in the Westwood area, where the VA hospital is on the other side of the freeway and UCLA is just down the bloody street. A perfect setup for the perfect traffic jam.
It's noon and we need to go less than fifteen miles away for a one o'clock appointment. Fat Ass is a little sassy today, it coughs and chugs, but just once in a while. Fat Ass gets on the freeway and sails away to climb the 405 to West Los Angeles still coughing but not too much. I spot a space but I need to back up fast to covet it until the van in it moves. The van's driver knows I want it, they saw me back up so of course they take their sweet ass time. Still, with the accident on the 405 and time to wait for the space, I'm fifteen minutes early. Only forty-five minutes to go less than fifteen miles, not bad.
But my dentist took in an emergency client. At ten after one I can still hear him drilling. I ask if i can come back later after Wally's appointment and hurry to the other dentists less than five miles away. It takes thirty-five minutes. Not bad to go less than five miles from West L.A. to Beverly Hills. The Fat Ass Cadillac however is testy. A light goes on that we need to have it serviced soon. It wants to stall, and coughs more, even bounces at the light so that I have to put in neutral to keep it smooth. And when we at last begin to pull into a parking place it dies. I just managed to park it, get out and hoped it wouldn't be too long for a tow truck to get there when we leave the dentist.
Miracle, the damn thing starts up, no emergency light, no coughing but we do have lots of traffic and as I weave and snake along the car begins to stutter once again. We take Sepulveda and back streets until we're finally at home and my dental appointment was rescheduled for Tuesday. I'll take the Saturn until I can get the Fat Ass in for another three to eight hundred dollars worth of junket fixes so I can do this all over again. And of course there is the gas for this hog and does it love gas.
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