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Friday, July 15, 2016

Penelope's Peculiarities, Last Tale. Muhammad Meets His Fate.



That was some party we had in Spain. Thanks to Lump, but he's dead and broke anyway so I went with Tallulah to Dubai for a little shopping with what was left of Lump's money. After I finished maxing the credit cards Lump had, and bringing back to our hotel room loads of high end merchandise, Tallulah got a call that a party was being hosted by a Saudi Prince. Well, we just had to go.

The party was fabulous with plenty of champagne that me and Tallulah went through by the case. And lots of men. Wealthy men in fact, so wealthy that they seemed a bit bored with it all, so I thought I'd change that.

I found a stone seat in a palace garden where waters played from a fountain next to me. There in the warm night with a full moon I opened my legs to spread the petals of my divine pussy and release a scent men cannot resist.

Like bees to honey the men came walking by offering glasses of wine and cigarettes on holders of gold and ivory. I waited until I found the one I was looking for, the one that couldn't keep his eyes off the prize. Got ya sucker. It's so easy sometimes, the enticement, and I really enjoy a bit of fight in them but most just obey the pussy. Then again, once in a while you get a fighter, oh that's fun,  a bit of cat and mouse.

He was a man wearing all the traditional garb of Saudi royalty and came up to me to say,"I see you're quite attractive. My name is Muhammad."

He did a sort of bow, I liked that, shows respect. "Well Muhammad, mine is Penelope. Nice party."

"I'm glad you like it. Would you like to take a walk in the garden?"

"Sure," with that I took his offered hand and stood before I walked with him to a secluded area. I did notice men is suits ushering the other suitors back to the ballroom.

He grabbed my arms suddenly and began to force himself on me. I pushed him away and raised my hand. "Wait a sec Muhammad, you're getting a little pushy aren't you."

"I know women like you enjoy that sort of thing. I'm I right?"

"No, you're not right. I like to have a little fun first. Let's play a game, a kind of hide and seek game. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"I'm not into games, but I will play."

"I think you'll like it. Now sit here and I'm going to walk over to that fountain to sit. I want you to watch me. Okay?"

"Sure, sure. If it makes you happy."

"Oh, it will make me happy alright." With that I pressed down on his shoulders until he sat. Then walked to the fountain where the moonlight fell on the waters. There I spread my thighs, and gave him a good gander of the wares, I could see an effect on him taking place. That's when I went a step further and spread the lips of my cunt open so that the air would carry the heady aroma of pussy juice to him.

As he stared, becoming more mesmerized by the second, it was clear I had good control of him. "Would you like to come over and have a taste of my delights?"

"Yes, my love," he said with drool that dripped from his bearded mouth.

I watched him walk over with his eyes fixated on the beaver until he was next to me. That's when I spread my legs further, and the prince dropped to his knees and began to feast.  I gave him all he wanted, besides the beard felt kind of good.

After I checked my makeup and messages I had enough of the beard. "Hey there prince, Don't you think you should come up for air?"

He was locked in, I had given him too much pussy juice and now I had to get a little forceful. With a snap my thighs shut like a canal lock, which pulled on his beard. "Hey," he said pulling his head away and leaving a good chunk of beard clutched in my legs.

He was rubbing his chin where the hair pulled out. "Look, when I tell you to stop. You stop."

"I'm going to put you in my harem, my love and feast all I want. "Guards!"

These thugs came from nowhere and grabbed me. "Take her to the palace and place her under the head eunuch. I want her washed and ready when I come.

Before I knew what the hell was happening these goons grabbed me, tossed me in a limo and off I went to his palace. Inside it was quite nice, except this goofy guy with a high pitched voice and penchant for makeup was measuring and touching me until I was about to turn on him something wicked. Just then he asked me to pick out what silks I'd like for my wardrobe. They were top quality too and now I had a whole new wardrobe. But it didn't quite sink in until I was introduced to the other gals. His harem. All of them raving lesbians. That's just great, a party with a bunch of bitches and a ball-less dude in drag. Still, the new clothes, and I love the style, were made to party.

"Look girls, I really need a drink, where the fuck do you keep the booze?"

A surly looking bitch with long fingernails came over and touched my lips. "We do not drink alcohol. We are Muslim and so will you be very soon."

"Like hell I will. I'm a full blooded American witch you fucking sand crab. And I'm staying that way."

"You can't resist. The guards will soon be here. They will take you to the Imam, and if you do not accept Islam, you're pretty head will come off."

I sat down and allowed a tear to fall from my eye. When I had her attention I raised my robe to wipe the tear and exposed my witchy pussy. She couldn't keep her eyes off. So, I asked her to hold me until the guards came. She went for my breasts, breathing in their scent and my hands pressed firmly but gently on her head until she could feel the warm breath of my cunt. It didn't take long for that carpet muncher to start munching. Soon the other girls came around with pushing and shoving to get a lick or two of the best pussy they'd would ever get their tongue on.

It wasn't long when these desert foxes were filled with witch juice and were soon lapping each other for the lack of getting at me. That's when the guards came in. They had to fight their way to get to me but when one of the guards pried the last of the princes wives off and saw the prize of Sheba, he dove for it and I let him have all he could take before another guard pulled him off to take his place.

Soon they were all drunk as hell on my nectar and that's when I decided to get the hell out of Sinbad. Now under the power of the pussy  I made a curse and turned them to toads. All of them and watched them hop about and into the lily-pad pool looking for flies, and there were plenty of them, these people don't wash real well.

My clit was licked sore, which really put me in a bad mood. That's when this bearded asshole came in with his damn holy book spouting Alla this and Alla that. I had enough of these desert rats, and when he shoved that fucking book in my face, screaming at me. I grabbed that book out of his hand, smacked him on the back of his head to make him bend over, then grabbed the hem of his robe and threw it over his head. With a good smack on his ass, I shoved the book right up his butt until I couldn't see it. That got him hopping. Then the eunuch came in with the prince. That's when all hell broke out.

"What have you done to my wives and our Imam?"

"What? Oh, you mean that herd of lesbos you left me with? Well, they're fly fishing. And that bearded wacko? He's really anal retentive you know. I put that book of his where the sun don't shine. And what about you? You want some more honey from the honey pot?  Well, fuck you."

The fat ball-ess wonder came flying over. "You cannot talk to the master that way."

"Oh no?" I said turning to the Eunuch, "Okay, I'll tone it down." Then I turned back to the prince. "Now dearest, I bet you'd like a piece of hair pie about now. Wouldn't you?"

"Oh, I would very much." I had moved my dress so he could see the beaver all wet and red from the tongue lashing.

"Well, don't you think you could put blubber boy someplace while you have a piece? Say out guarding the camels in the south forty."

The prince pranced up and down. He was so delighted, "Eunuch, walk the palace grounds till I tell you otherwise."

"Yes Master," and with that Blubber Boy left.

"Well, that takes care of that. Here ya go sweet cakes, get your American hair pie."

That beard dove in and forgot all about the croaking going on in the patio. There were fewer flies too. And as the prince ate to his heart content, I watched the contortions of the Imam trying to  pull the Quran from his ass. He did eventually and at that very moment, as shit dripped from the soggy mess he held in his hand, he fell dead on the spot. Heart attack I imagine. But I had my own problems.

"Okay lover boy, I think you ate what ever was left. After the attack from your devoted wives, my pussy needs a half time." That's when I grabbed that dripping beard of his and yanked.


"Please, my beard is very important to me."

"It is huh. Come here sweetie, I'd like to play with it." He lifted his head so I could stroked his beard, which felt like strands of wire. "You know, with hair as thick as yours, you need a conditioner. You don't want to bruise your little pussy with course hair do you?'

"No--No, I'll get a conditioner right now."

"Let me. I happen to carry some where ever I go. When you have raven black hair like mine, you need to condition." I searched in my small bag kept near and dear to me at all times and found the potion I was looking for.

"Okay, now you sit between my legs and watch the clit." I didn't have to tell him that since it's what he's been staring at since I pulled him off.

I took some potion and poured it in his beard, murmuring a chant as I rubbed it in. "There now, take a look in the mirror and tell me if that doesn't look better."

He looked and was very happy with what he saw. "My beard has never looked so good." He exclaimed clapping like an eight year old.

"I'm so happy I could help."

What the prince saw was a very handsome prince, what everyone else saw looked like a hooker after the fleet came in. Red pouty lips with mascara eyes of a cheap drag queen. Blond hair, done in swirls and curls, and tits that stuck out like the hubcaps on a fifty-six Pontiac. With matching six inch pumps and red dress, he was simply too divine for sore eyes.

"Honey, how about getting us something to eat. Outside of me that is." I know how these minds work.

"Yes, my love. I'll call for service." He walked over to a cord at the wall and pulled.

Soon, servants came in to see me fanning my clit and him dressed in high drag screaming at them for some French croissants, cheese and fruit. I asked for a pork cutlet medium rare and two bottles of champagne to wash it down with.

It wasn't long before I was on a plane out of there with Tallulah.  The royal family didn't want scandal but they did want to buy the videos from my cell phone for a very nice price. And the Prince, what a shame, he could never understand why everyone was treating him the way  they were, and he didn't take to the locked and padded cell for very long before  he passed away. Oh well. Boo-Ho.

After that I thought I'd take a break. Stay a widow for a while, especially since I didn't sell all the videos.     







Thursday, June 9, 2016

Penelope's Peculiarities, Tale Two, Rich Man Poor Man


Well it didn't work out well in granny's place and really what a boor, I like the night life, can't help myself and with the cash I pulled in from Worm, I found myself a nice comfortable apartment in Manhattan. Course it takes money to live in New York and I planned to find me a gold mine. Ronald Lump made millions building malls everywhere he could. From city blocks to corner slums, he was the mogul of malls. He was also tasteless and crude, as well as being fabulously wealthy, all the qualities I admire in men.

When I first was introduced to him at a friend's party he seemed interested, a lot of men are, but he was far more interested in himself--at first. Seeing a chair available, I sat in a provocative pose with my legs slightly apart and my black silk dress lifted, discreetly of course, but giving Ronald a glimpse should his gaze come my way. It did, just like a fly to honey.

The next thing I know, Ronald is talking to me, asking, rather rudely, if I lost my panties.

"What makes you think I wear them?"

"Ah, I thought you a bit of a wench when introduced, and I was right." He winked at me, "But I've ran into your type before, your wares come with a price. I'm I right?"

"I've never turned down money nor have I asked for it. If that's what you mean. But I'm recently widowed, and looking for some fun. That's all." After that I walked away to chat with a rather handsome pro soccer player and left Lump standing there.

It was a few days later that my friend who hosted the party called and asked if it was okay to give my phone to Mr. Lump. I said he could and it wasn't an hour later that he called.

"Hello?"

"Penelope, it's Ronald from the party. We talked about your panties, or rather lack of them. Listen, I'm a busy man but I'd like to meet you, I've a lovely suite overlooking Central park if you would like to meet me there. I'll give the doorman your name and he'll buzz you up."

I was stroking my pussy, listening to her purr while she sat on my lap. "Well, I'm busy today. What about Thursday? Around noon." I heard him cough a few times before he answered.

"If you're trying to jack me around it won't work. Be there at noon. On Thursday." He then hung up without saying another word.

I arrived fashionably late, and he was fuming, calling me names and shoving a legal document in my face to sign. "I know your type, a slut looking for trophies, you can brag all you want to your whore friends but unless you sign this document, no Ronny. Got that?"

"I don't have a problem signing it, I'm not looking for a trophy, just a little fun. Outside of calling women names. Do you like to have fun Ronald?"

He took the document, and made sure I signed it before he put it in his vest pocket. "Okay, whatever, now why don't you strip and let me see what you have."

"How about this Ronald, I'll sit on the edge of the bed and you sit in that chair over there, wouldn't you like a little fun first?"


"Honey, making money is fun to me, let's make this quick."

As I sat down, I lifted my dress and spread my legs. He at last stopped looking at his watch. Then I asked if he would like a good close look and perhaps, if he wanted, a taste of my hair pie.

He walked over, mesmerized, and dropped to his knees. It didn't take long for him to dive in. I let that bastard eat his heart out before I stopped him.

"You know, I've got an appointment myself, and while it's been fun, gotta go."

He was determine to stay put by pushing his head in my cunt like he was diving into a pool, I had to be a bit firmer. "Hey, Lump!" I said, and at the same time grabbed what hair he had on his head and pulled him off me.

"Hey watch it! My hair, it's delicate."

"So's my cunt asshole."

"Look, I'll give you some money if you let me dine a little while longer."

"No dice. The contract you had me sign said anything given can be forfeited at anytime."  I still had a hand of his comb over hair style in a color of orange never seen.

"I'll rip it up. Would you let go of my hair. Please?"

"Behave yourself then."

"Promise."

I thought of braiding his hair so that it would be a good handle to control him, if it ever came to that, and let go of his thinning strands. He went right to his vest pocket reached in and took the contract out. Then he stood if front of me with his dick tenting his pants and tore it up.

"Hand me your coat."

"What? You don't trust me?"

"No. Now if you want to deal, lets deal. Hand me the coat."

He reluctantly did where I found more than one contract. I tore them all up.

"Jesus, I just signed a major deal with one of those."

"Get another. Now, you want more snatch. I'm I right?"

"Oh, yeah." His eyes went right to the beaver.

"Well the free lunch is over asshole. You called me a slut and cheap and I'm a recently divorced widow who's husband was a devout Baptist minister. Now when you decide to marry me, without any of your fucking contracts, let me know."

I left him there with drool dripping from his mouth and a wet spot near his fly. And I knew that soon there would be a call from this asshole, because I let him have far more pussy juice than what any normal human being could take. And call he did.

"Oh, baby, I haven't slept in three days. All I can think about is your delicious pussy."

"And you're calling me because?"

"How about I give you a whole lot of money?"

"No dice. It's marriage or nothing."

"Damn honey. Well if it's marriage you want, marriage you'll get. Now, I'll come over and will celebrate with some pie. My oh my, hair pie. How's that sound to you?"

"How about you come over with a proper ring and a case of champagne."

"I'll be there in a jiff."

He was too. I thought, the guy must have all that shit in the back of the limo, because he was at my door knocking before I finished talking with Tallulah. The champagne was nice and cold and I knocked off a few bottles while he showed me some very large diamond rings. I wasn't sure what looked best on my hand and decided a handful would be better.

Of course Lump wanted lunch and dinner for the rings, but a peek would work just as well. I thought,  especially with all that pussy juice in him.

"Well darling, these are all so very nice. "Thank you! I accept you're proposal. Now when do you want to get married?"

"How about I dive in between your legs right now and we'll talk about it later." He couldn't keep his eyes off the beaver.

"When we get married, Precious. Now I'll let you take a gander of your prize because I've got to get on the phone and arrange a fabulous wedding. You don't want anything less than fabulous do you?"

"Alright. Alright. Alright. Have the wedding A.S.A.P. I don't give a shit just give me a taste."

"Nothing doing until it's official. Now lay down and I'll give you a treat."

He did, with his face up I stood over his head with one foot on each side. "Do you see that, Ronald?"

"I sure do. It looks like the gate of heaven."

"Bet your sweet ass it does. Now take a good look because the shows over until the day we're man and wife." I stood for a minute more and swore I heard his dick squirt twice in his shorts before I step away.

"Oh baby that was great. Fantastic. But how about sitting right down on my face for an hour or so."

"You know what Ron?"

"What honey?"

"Sit up here in this chair for minute will you?"

"Sure baby, anything." He sat like a pup waiting for the ball. I went to a desk drawer and pulled out a bit of yellow ribbon.  Then came back and as I rubbed my pussy on his face, braided his hair into a top knot and tied it off with the ribbon. Then I stood away with his face following until it fell on the ground with the rest of him.

"Easy there Lump. Now I expect you to wear your hair just the way I have it or you might hurt my feelings and I then I'd feel kinda frigid. Got it Sport?"

"I'd wear bunny ears if it makes you happy honey. Now, about coming over and let me saddle up."

"How about you getting the hell out and make some big money because we're going to have one hell of  a party."

"And Honeymoon. Right honey?"

"Yeah, sure. Now go out and get ten million. I've got to call Tallulah."

With that I escorted him to the door. I could see he was in no hurry to leave and I had enough of Ronald Lump. After opening another bottle of the bubbly, I rang Tallulah.

"Hey gal, got hitched again and this one don't need credit cards. Is that castle still available for rent? Yeah, Great. Well we'll take it and tell the gang we're having a party. Get us all the best cause my future hubby wants it for me.  Thanks, I'll have my fiance' send you ten mil to get it all started. Bye for now."

That settled, I called Lump and told him where to send the cash and to do it today. He gasped, he grumbled and I'm pretty sure, farted but send he did.

The next day Lump's lawyers stood waiting at my door when I opened it to take my walk through the park. I didn't sign a damn thing that they shoved in my face, and told them to have Lump send twenty more million by the end of the week for the wedding. They threatened me with all kinds of law suits if I was scamming their client to which I replied, he is a grown adult and has the right to do as he wishes and his wish was to make me happy.  Lump called my phone the whole fucking day after that until I turned the damn thing off. I sent him a letter that he had better call the hounds off if he wanted to marry me or else I would have nothing to do with him.

I guess he read the letter. Three days later he's over begging for a taste and as humble as a blind nun with his hair in the braid and the little yellow ribbon tied to it. I thanked him for his diligence before getting hold of the braid for a good yank.

"Now listen and listen good. I'm not going to fuck around with you anymore with your goddamn lawyers and bullshit contracts. You either marry me or get the hell out of my sight."

"Oh baby I'm so sorry. They made me do it. They think I'm going crazy with marrying you. I'll fire every last one of them. In fact I'm on it."

That's when his phone came out and the shouting began. After I had a couple of bottles of champagne he was finally off the phone. "No fucking lawyers baby, Now about giving daddy some candy."

"Great! Get your jet ready honey, we're flying to a castle in Spain and there's a bonafide Justice of the Peace to get us hitched on the way."

There was a flurry of phone calls that had to be made, both of us were speed dialing and I mentioned another twenty million needed for him to have the best wedding ever. Lump was so damn horny, sniffing and licking where I sat. Pathetic, and I knew what it would take to make him crawl over scorpions at my bidding.

"I think it's time for a treat. Don't you?" He was over so fast I felt the wind hit me from his speed.

"A treat?"

"I think so. Why don't you plow your nose into my snatch and get a real good whiff." With that I hiked up my dress and let him bury his face.

When he had enough, I grabbed my handy holder of hair and yanked him out. His face had a smile of bliss on it, drool from his mouth dripped to the floor and the entire front of his pants was wet from dick juice.

"Was that good for you baby?" I waited but he was out cold, shivering and lapping his tongue at the air.

"It was good for you, I can see that. Just think of our wedding night and all the pleasures that await you."

That did it. He was dialing up a preacher now trying to get one on the spot. "Give me your phone. That's a good boy. I've got it all planned and you don't want to spoil my plans do you?"

He looked a little hurt that he didn't have his phone.

Now that I had his attention, I let go of the nab of hair. Now, the first thing we need for you is diapers. I'm not putting up with cock goo dripping on my floors. and I want you to suck on this pacifier."  I handed him one that look just like a tit. "And when I want something, I'll let you know, but until then, sit here on the floor with your nappy on and your hair in a ribbon and don't forget to put the pacifier in your mouth.

He stared at me while he held the rubber tit in one of his little hands and started to cry. That's when I slapped the living shit out of him.

"I'll give you something to cry about. Now put the goddamn tit in your fucking mouth asshole!" I clipped him on the chin which sent him rolling across the floor, but when he righted himself, he was sucking on the tit.

Now that I had Lump's attention, I told him to get his jet ready, the wedding party will be on board with the chaplain. He wanted his tux, but settled for baby blue pajamas with cute floating yellow balloons to match the ribbon in his hair. The man had no shame.

We all boarded Lump's plane and took off for Spain. I had a fantastic leather outfit that went perfect with Lump's baby blue pajamas. He didn't like it, but the power of the pussy was far to great for the jerk and he suckled his neoprene tit like it was his mom's. Only he said he never had his mom's tit because she wasn't about to have the squalling brat any where near her implants.

We walked down the middle of the isle while the clan whistled, cat-called and pop corks on champagne to spray us as we passed. I made sure to invite a few of Trump's lawyers along for the fun of it and couldn't help but notice the register of horror on their faces when we walked by. So there we are, the happy couple, me in my latest leather outfit and Lump sucking on his rubber tit wearing baby-blue pajamas with a yellow ribbon that tied his hair in a tuft. It was adorable, and of course, the press was there with cameras flashing like it was the Forth of July.

Well the rev pronounced us man and wife and had us lick each other rather than kiss. Except Lump took the offer to jumped into the band wagon, with his sticky tongue, trying to get some damn good tasting poon tang right in front of everyone. Boy did the cameras flash for that one. I grabbed the ungrateful fuck by his twine of hair, pulled him off and held him up with his feet bouncing and his fists flying. He wailed like a new spanked baby as I held him there.

"Sorry folks, he ain't fully trained yet. But he sure as hell will be." I announced before letting go to watch him drop at my feet.

"Now when we land, everyone into the limos, they're lined up and ready to party all the way to the castle." That got a standing ovation, which was good because the Lump at my feet had started to cry. He didn't get what he wanted, but he'll get plenty once we're inside the stone walls.

And what a hoot it all was. I couldn't deal with Whiny Lump and his sniveling whimper, so with a good kick to the diaper pan, I landed him in the trunk of the limo shut the lid and told the driver to make the turns real sharp, "There's a lump in the back I'd like soften up." Is what I said to the Russian chauffeur, and did that light up his scarred face.

That limo took turns like a bullwhip, and all the way to the castle I heard Lump slam from one side to the other. By the time we arrived at the gates the screams and pleas had long stopped.  We got out to a view of a perfect setting of a rather large fortress perched on top a mountain, fortified with thick granite walls. A real medieval view.  That Tallulah, she sure can do a party.

One of Lump's lawyers was nagging me about leaving the jerk in the trunk. I had the Russian driver bring him in. Boy what a mess, but Lump the Chump was quiet, even docile, though a little wobbly. He at least wasn't making a bee line to my cunt. I think he didn't really know where he was, so I told the driver to take him to the top of the castle, along with his lawyers, to get some fresh air. That should sober them up.

Well the party was a big hit. Tallulah hired only the top bands that were flown in day and night. We rocked that castle for over a month when my girlfriend said Lump had nothing left. And that reminded me, I left him on the roof.

Well, turned out I didn't have to worry. The limo driver had Lump and his lawyers play an old Russian drinking game. A good swig of vodka, straight from the bottle, and then a walk on a plank set along the edge of the castle wall.  The Russian won and I was once again left a widow.

Poor me. 

Monday, March 28, 2016

Penelope's Peculiarities Tale One, The Worm Turns


I met Worm from sheer frustration. After I inherited Granny's house, I needed cover. Smack dab in the middle of the bible belt with every housewife keeping an eye on me from their headquarters, the Jesus of Calvary Baptist church across the street. The Baptist had one stupid ass preacher named Norm. He came to the house to introduce himself. But I knew it was the wives all a twitter that I was out to steal their husbands that really brought him to my door. Why, though, didn't matter. Worm, I mean Norm, fit the bill.

"Good afternoon, Miss....huh, Now how should I call you Darlin'? I only saw your granny now and then. She didn't seem interested in going to a church meeting from what I gather. But I thought you might like to join our Sunday service."

The skinny, bald headed jerk resembled a worm and I'm sure had a dick about as big. "Call me Penelope, love. Come in, I hope you don't mind the ravens, they can be a bit protective. You're not afraid of little birds or girls are you Mr?"

"Norm Saggot the name, Miss Penelope." He had a grin that sliced his face in half. "And I have Jesus everywhere I go so I fear not."

"Well, good for you, Worm, I mean, Norm. That's it, Norm? Right? Oh, watch the bird shit too, they're ornery right now."

"Yes ma'am. Norm. Now, I brought the bible with me so we can say a prayer together. Would you like to pray with me Miss. Penelope?"

"I'll do you one better. Now you sit right here and I'll sit over there." I pointed him to a wooden chair for a child while I walked to the leather couch and sat in the middle with one leg stretched out and the other spread to show this jerk what damn good cunt looked like."

"Huh, Miss Penelope, I'm afraid,you're exposing yourself."

"Don't be afraid. Say, I thought you wanted to pray. Well, the chapel's open." I said with my middle finger pointing to my crotch.


"Miss Penelope what do you mean?"

"Honey, you ain't never going to have anything better than this in your whole fucking life, and I bet once you pop that pencil dick of yours in here, you'll go mad for more."

Worm squirmed, hot and bothered, I heard him give a high pitched moan before he tossed the good book on the ground and dove into my snatch like a miser looking for gold.

I let him busy himself for a while so I could tell the ravens to stop shitting on his bible, I had business to attend. "Honey, get your tongue outta there before you wear it out."

"Ah, Miss Penelope, that was the finest dish of poontang I ever did eat. And, well, I don't know what to say but I just gotta have some more."

"I know you do, sweetheart but you're married and I'm not. How ya gonna fix that unless you divorce your dear wife."

"That bitch. Why she ain't nothin' to me but a dried up prune. I'll get divorce Miss Penelope, first thing."

"Well, when you do, let me know. And don't take too long. Now you get your good book, might like to wipe the bird shit off when you're outside, and get busy if you want some more of my Southern hospitality."

It didn't take pencil dick a week before he was back telling me he had his wife arrested for stealing from the church. And showed me one big  ass diamond ring he bought with the money she stole.

"I'll have the divorce papers in a week, I know the judge and he don't take to women stealing from God. So, I was hopin' you'd let me in the chapel."

"When you get the papers Worm, come on over and I'll let you sharpen what you call a dick in my grinder."

"Oh, lordy, I thought I could just have a taste for now, you know, since you took the ring and all."

"What kind of Christian are you? Get the papers and shake down that congregation of yours because I'll need money for a proper wedding."

"Yes, ma'am, I'll get on it right now."

Worm was the stupidest human I ever met but a week later, with his wife serving twenty years for grand theft, he had the divorce papers in hand and a bone in his pants.

"Well honey pie, here's the papers and we can get married anytime you'd like."

"Midnight sound good to you? And what about the money?"

"Right here, got a grand."

"A grand what? Piano?"

"No honey, I got a thousand dollars. All for you!"

"Shit. How am I suppose to go to Vegas with a thou?"

"Vegas?"

"You don't think I'm marrying you here do you?" Get that Dodge you call a car and pick me up for the airport. And get mommy to come up with five grand or the whole thing is off."

I thought it would be over then, but damn if Worm didn't show up with the five grand and off we went to Vegas, him whining the whole way about getting some action which was pissing me off. When we got to Vegas, it was night. We went to the Belliagio where I used one of his cards for a suite overlooking the water show. I had enough time for a couple of bottles of champagne before midnight's marriage hosted by a dear friend of mine.

Worm, of course was hopping around the room like it was a frying pan. He wanted some action, and with his whining and all, I had enough.

"Look, you're going to have to wait until, AFTER we are married. I'm not a slut like your ex-wife. So get a couple of bottles of good French champagne brought up while I let you massage my feet. Which reminds me, fill the bath while I make a phone call and don't you fucking touch that chicken neck of yours. If I see any fluids of yours around you'll be licking the whole fucking bathroom clean. Got it Worm?"

"Am I gonna get some more poontang Miss. Penolpe?"

"Shit, that's all you think about isn't it. That's what happens when men get into my magic box. You'll get some in good time. But you are one big fucking, fuck-up that's really grating my nerves so you better get going.
You do not want to piss me off."

Worm trotted off whimpering while I called my friend Tallulah to get a party going. She can put on one bang up wedding.

"Hey, Tallulah, we got here. Is everything ready?"

"Shit yeah, but give me a few more of those credit cards from your soon to be hubby.  I've maxed out the ones you gave me earlier."

"Sure, let me look," I grabbed his wallet and emptied it, then I called him. "Hey Worm!"

The squirmy little thing came running thinking I had a treat. "Look asshole, I know your mother gave you a credit card in case you got into trouble. Well you're in trouble." I spread my legs apart and showed the magic box. You want some? Get that fucking card, NOW."

The fucker had it in his nasty shoe, with a tissue, I picked it up and read the numbers to Tallulah. When finished I tossed it in the trash and told Worm he better come up with some more cash. It was going to be one hell of a wedding. My friend called around and the whole gang was coming. They were flying in from the Orient, Europe and South America. Tallulah rented a mansion, and a good band. Worm looked worried with a sweat growing on his forehead and his eyeballs kinda of popping out.

Once my bath was ready I let Worm hold my champagne glass while I climbed in the tub. Once in and and comfy with my champagne, Worm got busy with my feet. What a perv the guy was too. I knew the fucker came in his pants twice while massaging my bunions, but let it go, thinking maybe he would settle down. When I was done he was still all hot to trot though, and his color wasn't good. "Better not barf on the floor or you'll be sitting out on the balcony."

"Miss Penelope?"

"What?"

"Who's payin' for all this?

He looked ridiculous, the chicken neck in his shorts was sticking out and about to drip yet he wanted to know finances. "Aren't we from the South? And what kind of Southern Baptist Preacher Man doesn't pay his bills? Look, do what I tell you and it will be fine. Stop worrying or you'll kill yourself before you get another taste." With that I took my finger and rubbed it across my clit. Then wet his lips with my moist finger. I couldn't help it. I do, after all, have a soft spot.

Worm started to cry and damn if that spigot of his didn't shoot again. The whole front of his pants was wet from it. That's what being nice to someone gets you.

"Look asshole, you're disgusting and you stink with spunk. I do something nice for you and what do you do?"

"I'm so sorry Miss Penelope. I can't help myself."

"You won't have any left once we get married. What you going to do then, shoot blanks?"

"I'll save some up I promise. I'll try to control myself better. I will."

"Shit Worm, better have them bring up some diapers for you to wear. I don't want that shit of yours gooing up the place. That reminds me, We are having a costume ball after the wedding and I want you to wear a custom made costume I picked out for you. You don't want to hurt my feelings do you, especially after I treated you so well.

"I'll wear anything you want. Can I have another taste."

"Don't be greedy now. Isn't greed a sin? Shame on you, and you being a Baptist minister." I needed a few more bottles of champagne to help get ready for the party so I told Worm, "Get on the phone and get some credit card numbers from your parishioners. Tell them you're in Sin City saving souls. If they can believe that shit you preach, they'll believe anything."

"Oh, Miss Penelope, I can get in a lot of trouble doing that."

"Well aren't you a minister and aren't you in Vegas and aren't we having a big bash after the wedding? Trust me, all hell will be there. So what are you lying about? Now get some money or I'll call the whole thing off and take you back to Bum Fuck Georgia myself.

"Oh, I'll get on it right away, that's a good idea Miss Penelope saving souls. Now how about a little taste. Just the tip of your nail scented with your heavenly petals."

"You want more shit from my snatch. That right asshole?"

"Yes, ma'am, it is."

"Now listen real good. You want anything from me you'll have to work your fucking ass off. I don't see any money, I don't see champagne and I don't see you in diapers. Whats your problem?"

"No problem. I'm on it."

There was a knock at the front door and I had Worm answer it. Packages by the dozens carried by deliveries from everywhere came through. I needed a drink before trying on all the costumes.  Fortunately, one guy had the champagne so I grabbed that first, pulled the cork out myself because Worm was busy with a diaper and the phone, and downed the fucker.

It was a great fucking party. I mean everyone was there. And my friends laughed their asses off when Worm and I walked down the aisle. I had to get a bit snippy when he objected to his outfit. But I really needed a pink poodle by my side and all my friends have pets. Mine is just a bit peculiar is all. But it was the only thing that would go with my costume by Prada and it was a smash.

After the wedding, done really nice with the bats released at the end. And to see Worm dance around on his leash screaming "Jesus save me, Jesus save me," when the lesbian minister opened her fat mouth and a spider walked out. That was the best.

But it all took a toll on Worm, he didn't look good now. A few days of partying and he looked about finished, all sickly looking which is why I made him keep the pink poodle outfit on, it gave him some color. Then, when we got back to Georgia, and stepped out of the car in front of his church with the congregation mad as hell, and the sheriff there with handcuffs, and Worm still in his pink poodle outfit, it all came to a tragic end.

It looked like a heart attack to me, Worm dressed up in his cute outfit with his tongue sticking out and a diaper full of goo from all the dick juices he made while he flapped about grabbing his chest. Then suddenly he gave out a wheeze and stiffed out dead as the congregation and sheriff, with their mouths dropped to the ground,  watched as Worm's last breath  belched for more poontang. Dang if he wasn't a horny cuss.

I handed his leash to the sheriff and asked a couple of good ole country boys if they would be kind enough to help a widow with her packages. I had a shitload of stuff from Vegas to unpack and a new husband to look for.





Thursday, March 10, 2016

The Watchers



A long, long time ago in a forest of deep woods lived many of the Faye. One, named Peppermill, made his home at the feet of a great oak tree in the middle of the forest. His front door consisted of a polka dot red toadstool that when opened led to chambers among the roots of the oak. He kept his home tidy where the rooms meandered between the great roots of the tree.

Peppermill stored what ever curious thing he came across on his walks among the trees. He preferred calling trees, professors for Peppermill learned a great deal from the old ones.  His closest, and dearest friend was the very oak where he made his home.

Peppermill felt called, as all the Faye do at some point, to spend his life with this particular tree when he was much younger and ventured about the forest. As the years past, Peppermill found that when he placed his hands on the sides of the roots that made the walls of his chambers, the great oak could talk with him. There he would sit with a pot of nectar tea and marshmallow cake, his thistle chair made comfortable with flower petal cushions so that he could place his hand on a knob of root. That is how he talked with his friend, the great oak, by holding the root knob the tree could convey to Peppermill his thoughts, and Peppermill could send his thoughts back to the great tree.

The great oak told Peppermill not only about their forest but events all over the world. For the tree's roots went very deep and connected to the other trees who were also connected to others. It was a network of information that went all over the world, and trees live long lives giving them knowledge no other living thing could ever fathom.

One day as Peppermill sat in his chair holding the knob of root, he asked the tree what was their purpose on earth? Was it to bind the soil or hold the knowledge of all  things? The great tree answered that it was those things and more, but trees call each other The Watchers, for they found their main purpose was to warn life of impending danger.

"Are we in danger?" Asked Peppermill.

"Not now, but remember time brings change and though we can formulate possibilities for the future, we never know for sure."

Peppermill took morning and evening walks. He did this every day because the Faye enjoy that balance of dark and light when shadow battles light. The Faye are fascinated by many things. What seems trash, the Faye find fascinating, and every sunrise and sunset, Peppermill found something to take home. The chambers he used to store all the things he found grew and grew among the roots of the Great Oak.

One day, Peppermill found something so big and so fascinating he needed the help of friends to bring it home. They beat their wings and used magic spells to lift the object and Peppermill, as well as his friends, wondered how he would get it home. But Peppermill wondered too, what the Great Oak would have to say about the strange and heavy object.

Peppermill and his friends decided it would be best to rest the object in front of hs home. It was just too large and heavy, even with magic to get it inside, and so they placed it near one of the thick roots that held the Great Oak.

After thanking his friends and everyone again commenting on the strange object, and for Peppermill to tell them what the Great Oak had to say, they left for Peppermill to talk with his friend.

Exhausted, Peppermill brewed a pot of nectar tea and cut off a slice of  marshmallow cake, placing them on a tray that he brought to the chair where the root knob of the Great Oak protruded. He ate half his cake and had two cups of tea before he settled in to talk with his ancient friend by holding the root's knob.

"Did you see the object near the front door?" Asked Peppermill.

"Yes, I remember when it landed in the forest many years past."

"What is it?"

"It is doom."

"Doom?" Peppermill was worried, "Should we have brought it here?"

"It doesn't matter where it rests for it is not of this earth."

"Where is it from?"

"From the stars where all things come from."

"Why then is it dangerous?"

"It is a piece from an asteroid that struck the earth long ago. Asteroids, if big enough, could tear the earth apart, nothing would remain of what we know of our planet. And in some point in time, that will happen."

Peppermill was distressed, an end to their earth and everything on it, but the wise old tree calmed Peppermill.

"Live for today. For tomorrow is not here and yesterday is gone."

From that day forward, while men fret about the future or the past, all other creatures took the wise old tree's advice and live for today, for that is all any of us really have.   





Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Season Of The Witch


She travels on a flurry of snowflakes with the north wind that takes her where she wants. Winter Witch has a cold heart, never letting in kindness, love or generosity. She is mean to the bone, her desire is to take life from any unfortunate left in her grasp. The small bunny or fawn will quickly die should she come upon them lost in the forest. So too will children who wander away from home on a cold winter night.

The only thing that stands in her way of making the world cold and dark  is Spring Witch that follows her and finds lost children and stray animals that need the breath of life. It has always infuriated the winter witch and her animosity toward the witch of spring grew and grew.

One day Winter Witch came across Autumn Witch as the year's end neared. She told her of what the witch of spring did to her, how she saved some victims of hers from death and how terrible of Spring Witch to take away her schadenfreude.


Autumn Witch was sad to hear this for she cooled and readied life for change after Summer Witch made things grow their tallest and best in the long days of her season. The witch of fall knew things must stay balanced. The witch of spring, because of her heart to make all things well and new, overstepped her place in the seasons.

"Let Spring Witch be for now," said Autumn Witch. "She is always young and impetuous. Let her learn from what will follow if she continues this way." The witch of fall was the wisest of all four, for she knew what the seasons brought.

"Very  well," said Winter Witch. Still, it bothered her for she so enjoyed taking life in her silent coldness, watching the warmth leave the victim until it is as cold as she. "I'll bide my time, until then," she said to herself as she flew off into a storm.

Spring Witch came earlier each winter until spring grew longer. She found more animals to rescue until the grass could no longer grow fast enough to feed everyone and streams trickled out water from all the life now so abundant on the earth.

Summer Witch felt beleaguered by the abundance of life searching for food and shelter, as fast as summer's witch could provide, life on earth devoured it. When Autumn Witch came, there was scant to do for most of the foliage was destroyed, depriving her of painting hillsides and skies with brilliant hues. The witch of fall sought out Winter Witch and found her in an early snow storm.

"Spring Witch as caused an imbalance in nature I'm afraid," she said to Winter Witch as she caused a swirl of snow to cover a bare holly in front of them.

"I will temper her spirit. So that she knows not to over extend her season." Winter Witch then flew off in a flurry of dark thunderous clouds.

As the days grew shorter and the nights longer, Winter Witch flew over the land creating mounds of snow that turned to ice. The storms surged and grew stronger each day. The ice grew and grew into hills and then mountains of hard, cold snow. When Spring Witch arrived, the ice was so thick she couldn't penetrate it to save a soul.

The ice became glaciers that stood through spring's warmth, summer's heat and autumn's wind.  When the following winter came more ice and snow fell until the land was unrecognizable, the animals changed, and mankind only survived in caves, if they could find one.

Winter Witch was thrilled. She now had all the seasons to herself, but then realized, she was as impertinent as Spring Witch. She too had caused an unbalance of nature. She then tempered her wrath and sulked back to the northern land to sleep and allow nature to once again right itself.

As time passed, the witches of the seasons knew each as important in their own right to keep nature in harmony. Life prospered and the land grew abundant until one day when mankind filled his heart with greed.

Humans wanted more and more for themselves. And not to thrive but to dominant and hoard risking all other life in their greed for more and more. Winter Witch saw this and talked among the others, concerned if mankind was allowed to continue, what would happen to Mother Earth?

And because of man's greed for Mother Earth's wealth, a warming occurred from the factories and machines that created unlimited consumption for mankind. The toxic gasses heated the air and created great storms that brought floods and drought, but still mankind wanted more and more for themselves. The warming of Mother Earth concerned the seasons witches.

Winter Witch tried to cover the land in cold to cool the earth but had to leave when the Spring Witch came to renew and heal as much as she could. But the damage of men continued until Summer Witch came with heat that dried and caked the hard soil to try and prevent men from contaminating it further. It did no good and the Autumn Witch, the wisest of all the witches, grew worried. Would mankind kill all life in their quest for more and more? They might! Thought Autumn Witch.

Autumn Witch went to the king of the fairies asking what could be done? This could not go on to the peril of Mother Earth. The fairy king called a council to decide the best course of action. When they returned with a remedy, it was not good."We who know the Craft will survive, it is up to mankind to do good by Mother Earth or perish." The king of all fairies told Autumn Witch.

So the witch came back and told the others. Now, the witches of the seasons do what they can to keep nature in balance to this day. They have seen the seasons come and go long before humankind arrived and will continue should mankind fail to see their error. They have left it to us to come to our senses and find balance with our Mother Earth.

But will we?


Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Witch of New Year



Now is when the witch of New Year looks for a fresh victim. Someone who lost their keys, or can't find their cell phone. A hapless soul caught on the very moment when a year has passed. She takes their time and from then on, they are a year off. They write checks for the past year, can't remember the day of the week and everything seems topsy-turvey to them for the whole year.

The witch of New Year has taken a year from them and she is now a year younger, never aging and she is very, very old, yet looks as sensuous as she did on her eighteenth birthday centuries upon centuries ago.

She walks among the party-goers, always quite fashionable, eyes turn her way, but she is on the hunt and looks at them in a different way. The person who pats their pocket to see if the keys and wallet are there. Someone who has picked up another's drink. In that moment of forgetfulness, just before they reach for drink or wallet, she takes their year exactly at the stroke of midnight. Now she needs to find the perfect victim for it was New Year's Eve.

A man of fine stature boldly steps in front of her as she walks down the street. He sees a great beauty, perfect for his party in upper Manhattan, a jewel to add to the mix. He tells her he couldn't help notice that she was a very beautiful woman and would she like to see New York from a penthouse full of famous people. He offers her his limo, the driver waiting patiently.

The witch of New Year sees a great opportunity and gladly accepts, offering the man her hand. He escorts her to the open cab of the limo where champagne and caviar wait. The witch enters the soft luxuries of wealth as comfortable to it as a cat curled by the fire.

They chat, he inquires of people he knows to see if they might have a common connection. She tells him she maintains an apartment here but lives, secluded, in Eastern Europe. His blue eyes twinkle when she smiles at him and tells him she is looking forward to a wonderful party, full of people.

He confirms there would be quite a crowd, for his luxury penthouse is the top two floors of the building. She sees he is quite handsome and must attract the same.

The limo pulls up to the curb of a fine building where the doorman opens the cab and offers his gloved hand to the witch. She is radiant, and the doorman feels what a privilege it is to assist such a beautiful woman. Her gown flows like raven black gossamer that sparkles with light here and there. She emits a sensuality that attracts everyone.

One of the great bands of the world plays and sings while people dance in a sea of writhing bodies as the witch of time gazes about. She glances at the diamonds on her wrist where her watch is precisely set. She has time and decides to dance with the one who brought her.

They are eye popping to watch. The beauty of both enhanced by the dance made them magical. People stopped to watch them in admiration as they moved to the rhythm of the music.  When it was over, he escorted her off the dance floor where many young men waited for a chance. But she wasn't interested, it was time to look about.

Leaving the gentlemen to yearn, she walked to the refreshments for a glass of champagne. It was there, she found her victim, fumbling for her eye glasses in a small silver purse. The prey was attractive but plain, like vanilla ice cream is to French vanilla. She obviously couldn't find them, for they hung around her neck from a glittering cord.

Perfect. The witch thought and walked to her.

"Hi, are you looking for these?" the witch asked with a smile as she touched the cord that held the glasses.

"Oh, thanks. That's why I put them on the chain!" The woman says with a laugh.  I'd lose my head too if it wasn't attached. My name's Dot."

The witch smiles and extends her hand. Mine is Zelda. I'm glad to meet someone else who loses things. Sometimes I think I could lose a whole year." The witch giggles with Dot at the little joke. "What are you drinking? Zelda asks.

"Oh, I can't find it and anyway, I thought I'd have a cola instead."

"Let me get it for you." The witch turns and quickly comes back with a glass of soda and places it near her champagne.

"That didn't take long,"

"It doesn't does it, I don't know why but when they see me, they come right up and ask what I'd like. Lovely party isn't it?"

"It is, I don't know what happened to my date. He's here somewhere and it's almost twelve. Are you excited about the new year?" Dot asks.

"Always, I've never missed a New Years party in my life."

"Oh, how wonderful. You must lead an interesting life, you look so young."

"Young looks but wisdom, my dear, of the ages. Look it's almost midnight, the band is about to play.

The large disk begins to descend. The countdown begins as the crowd shouts out each last second. And just before the very last second, Zelda asks Dot, "Where are you're glasses?"

Dot for one moment registers panic and grabs the chain around her neck only to find it's not there, she had put them in her purse earlier. Right then Zelda grabs her by the hand and holds her. The crowd roars, fireworks go off and everybody is screaming, Happy New Year!

"You're purse, don't you think?" Zelda says to Dot who  now has a very confused stare because she isn't sure of anything. She isn't sure where she is, or where her glasses are, or what year it is.

Zelda walks away and wanders through the crowd looking younger than ever. 

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The Story Of Santa Claus And The Elves Of Frost.



A very long time ago, on the shore's of Greece, lived a very special man who's name was Nicholas. The fishing village loved him because he made people smile. He remembered everyone's birthday or if someone was in great need he left a gift. He'd place the gift in the villager's sock near where they slept. In the morning the recipient would be sure to find it, but not know who left it. That made the gift--a true gift.

Nicholas was special in other ways as well. He helped all creatures, not just his own kind. Because his heart was set true and his love for all so great, the elves of Frost showed themselves to Nicholas.

They became great friends and the elves told Nicholas of the many children all over the world that needed gifts, especially someone to come to them with only kindness in their heart even if they received nothing but to let them know they were loved. That someone, the elves of Frost said, was Nicholas.

But Nicholas would have to pay a great price to help so many children, the elves of Frost told him, Nicholas would have to go to their magic kingdom at the very top of the world. For there, they could work without being disturbed, and with the help of the elves, visit children all over the world.

Nicholas agreed but when the elves took him to their frosty palace it was much colder than his seaside village in Greece, he thought he would freeze. So the elves made him a very special garment weaved from the dreams of children. Now Nicholas would know what each child's heart held, both good and bad. The elves took the color red from a volcano to keep him warm and the color white from snow for trim so he didn't get too hot. His boots were sturdy shiny black from coal to keep him upright no matter where he went, and a matching hat to go with his shirt and pants. It made Nicholas look even more jolly than he already was.

Nicholas' life was very happy for now he could go to children everywhere and give them something even if it was only the gift of hope, for some children that was what they wanted most.

The children of the world remember getting a gift from someone they never met. A kindness when most needed, or a toy to cheer them but they never saw who until one fateful day. 

On a cold winter night in a little village not that far from where Nicholas grew up a child was born. The child's parents had fled their homeland because of war. They had no place to sleep, save a manger shared by farm animals to rest from the cold winter night. The animals gathered around the manger to shelter the child from the cold and keep the infant warm. Nicholas came that snowy night on a shining star and gave the child the gift of peace so that the family could return to their homeland.

  The child opened his eyes when he received his gift and saw Nicholas with his rosy cheeks smiling down at him. Then the child gave Nicholas a gift, that all children around the world would remember the man who bestowed love to all the children on that very special winter night. And to this day, children leave cookies and milk for the man christened Saint Nicholas who is so loved that children of all faiths and every land call him Santa Claus.