Mom's New Boyfriends

There is a whole lot of non-Asian men attracted to Asian women. I know because I've seen it for myself. Mom said it's like gaydar, she can spot one right off. And so far she has been spot on every time. Once she announces, "Asiaphile," we begin the questions, like, "Was your last girlfriend or ex-wife Asian?" or "When you're at home alone, do you eat with chop sticks?" or "Does your favorite restaurants have a 'Happy Buddha,' near the cash register?"

It's amazing because usually the answer is yes to all three. And she can't get rid of them. They keep coming back begging for at least a small China doll that she might have once owned. Course, so far, none of them have turned out to be anything to write home about. A rather dull lot. Once they have their Asian woman, they want to stay home and cook rice. Mom wants to travel, and go out for a steak dinner, and see a movie, and ride her bike--and fuck.

One of the two new ones is an Asiaphile. He bitches about his ex-Chinese wife in their last two dates. I said, "Cut the line now, because pulling in this sucker is a waste of time." She's bored with him, he talks only about himself but he does ride a bike. The last Asiaphile she dated looked like an Aztec dwarf. As if he came to life from one of those stone Aztec figures, with the huge nose and slanted forehead. He rode a bike too but Mom's basic criteria is that they aren't shorter than she is and this dude, even in platforms, still came up way short.

I told Mom that she should try a dwarf now and then, you'd be surprise. First, they're so happy you're interested in them, they go out of their way to satisfy you sexually. Not like the tall ones that think you should be climbing all over them. But she likes them big. Big dicks, big arms, big legs. Big. That's my Mom.

The other boyfriend is older, way older but nice and how can you not be nice when gravity is your enemy. The dude is very nice and takes her to dinner, he rides a bike too and is a bit taller than her but I can see what she's thinking. As he ages, he'll shrink and then one day she'll wake up to a dwarf attached to her in bed and then she'll have to chew her arm off to escape. I think the dude is hung but then it could be that everything is just sagging a great deal and looks like he's hung. Especially the balls. Balls can hang down to your fucking knees when your seventy.

I'm not sure if Mom is into big balls. I think it's mostly big dicks. And that's okay, it certainly doesn't make her a bad person does it?