Sunday's Read

In the New York Times is a section in Sunday Styles called Modern Love. The New York Times is a good read any day but Sundays are when I look forward to savoring a new article about love in its many forms and nuances. Also in Sunday Styles, in the back are weddings.

Not just the traditional wedding but included with pictures of the happy couple, gay weddings. I scan across the heteros, only stopping if something about them is really interesting and search for gay men and lesbians who have wed.

Wally and I had a wedding too. No announcements in the New York Times or the Los Angeles Times but it happened on July 4th when California gays had that window open for a few brief months before religious zeal broke out and stomped on our rights as citizens to marry the person we love. Religion, that great lie formed to make sense of things we didn't understand at the time.

Our wedding was a little different is some ways. Years earlier, Wally wanted to marry in San Francisco when the mayor there opened the doors to us. Wally was witty then, smart with a comeback. We had friends made from both the groups we came from, bridge parties, birthdays and bicycle adventures, there was always something going on in our lives.

Then one day that all changed. Wally had a mild stroke that left him intact, his body, but his mind now has dementia. Average dementia, the doctor informed us. We dealt with it, it's hard on the both of us but we still had each other and married while we could before the window closed and before the dementia became impossible for Wally to decide if he still wanted to marry.

When I read of these young men, so happy looking, with rich full lives in front of them and married to someone they love, it stings a wee bit. That jealous sting of wanting the same thing--a rich full life ahead with someone you love.

We're looking forward to our two weeks at the beach. The cool ocean breezes and a walk on the shore and fishing pier with glimpses of the fisherman's catch. We went to the Hollywood Bowl every Thursday and had summer parties but it was with a silent partner. My spouse would need help to find the bathroom and his way to the car or house. Ours now is a silent conversation of smiles and hand holding. But we're still married and still together, its just that life ahead is much shorter each day that goes by and we both know that.

All the Best! To those that marry, may your lives be rich and full and your days together longer each day that passes. And may you always find love close to you both, for better or worse, rich or poor.