I got me two of the greatest gifts any gardener could have. A Jap and a Mexican Monkey. Mom is hundred percent Jap who, when not dispensing advice on what will happen to you if you eat a bug, can squat like they do in the old country. I got her a rice hat, well actually it was one of my old beach hats but put her in it and have her squat in the garden to pull weeds and you could take a picture and swear you were in an Asian rice paddy.
She likes to use a screwdriver to dig out weeds. Fine with me, shit, she can dig him out with a clam digger for all I care, the woman is a weed-o-matic and loves it. She don't eat much either and drinks even less except for a martini or two when she's in between boyfriends.
The Mexican monkey is actually from Columbia. He owns a silk screening factory and loves to boss people around except I need him to climb ladders for Christmas decorations and hedge cutting. He's good at climbing being so damn short and as a kid, swinging from banana trees, coffee bushes and coca plants. Feet like a girl, he shimmies up the ladder and as long as I have a hold of his leash, the electric cord for the hedge trimmer, can't get to far away.
The two of them together, Mom barking orders in her squat, and the Mexican monkey jumping all around cutting the hell out of the shrubbery, the place looks pretty damn good. Cost me though, had to feed them hamburgers and give a gallon bag of string beans to them with a half dozen eggs but shit, to have a Jap gardener and a Mexican monkey work in your garden?
That's fucking cheap.
No comments:
Post a Comment