The Antler Dance

Recently discovered DNA from Neanderthals have shown that we bred with them. I'm not surprised. Some people I know will fuck anything. For example, years ago a friend asked me to give the job to painting the house to someone he knew that needed work. After pestering me, I agreed. The friend, was in recovery in A.A.

I paid half the amount he asked, because he said he needed to fix his car and to buy supplies. After two weeks of not showing up, I chased him down at a meeting and had a talk with him. He showed up the next day and worked for less than a week before he stopped again. I hunted him down again and that's when he told me that he also goes to Sexual Compulsive meetings as well.

"Sexual compulsive?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, "I have trouble going from my apartment to the job without looking for sex."

"Oh," I said, "Who do you have sex with?"

He studied the question for a while before answering, "Well, I haven't had sex with anything dead yet."

That certainly narrowed it down. Now I can't leave the house, I can't leave my dog or cat alone. I can't leave my handicap father who I was caring for at the time. And I can't leave him alone in the neighborhood either. After a call to my friend that stuck me with this guy, threatening to rape him with an axe handle if anything should happen, I calmed down somewhat, got out a paintbrush and painted half the house myself, while Dickbreath painted the rest.

So yes, I would imagine our genes are mixed in with a lot of other fuckable animals. And that brings us to the Antler Dance.

The Antler Dance has been around a lot longer than us fucking Neanderthals. It is ingrained in our genetic code. Everyone can do the dance. There is a reason why primitive man wore butt flossers. Straps of rawhide up the crack and a flap of hide to cover the genitals. It was found earlier by our ancestors that dingle berries were a social taboo. The primitive butt flosser helped keep the pucker clear of dingle berries and insured the Antler Dance a place in history.

With a butt flosser on, I recommend a crochet butt flosser, you place your hands just above your ears and close to your head. Spread your fingers out, hop on one foot, then the other with your head bent and your fingered antlers displayed. Raise up your head quickly and at the same time, thrust your pelvis out. This causes your genitals to raise the flap and expose themselves to your dance partner or partners. Then, again bend slightly over to expose that you do indeed have your butt flosser on and hop while displaying your finger antlers.

Soon, a sexual arousal will result in all the participants. There will be a rutting, a snapping of butt flossers and the cover flap will be fully exposed by a rousing phallus, ready to sink into a clean butt-hole.

It's the Antler Dance folks. Plain and simple. We have danced the dance for thousands and thousands of years, fucking nearly everything nearby. It's Spring and the Antler Dance begins. Host an Antler Dance in your garage, if you have one or even better at a public park. A case of beer, some butt flossers or enough yarn and crochet hooks for everyone and you'll be the hit of the hood. Guaranteed.