The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

Vic and Campy waited.  They took a nap and woke hungry and still waited before they heard noise coming from the interior of the cave. First the rat appeared then the troll and witch talking the whole way. When they saw Campy and Vic standing by the door none to pleased they stopped. The rat had a smirk.

"Couldn't you get in?" The troll asked.

"Eh, no we couldn't. Any idea how?" Camyp's teeth stayed clutched so tight the words were hard to get out.

"Didn't the rat tell you? Blow out the candle."

With that the witch did just that to the torch on the side of the wall. The door swung open immediately.

"Little trick of mine when I left the candle burning once to many times. Works well wouldn't you say?" The witch said with a cackle.

Campy and Vic were so glad to see the door open they didn't care any longer and went quickly inside the troll's cottage.

"Hungry?" Boogabob said.

"Famished," Campy answered with thirty-two teeth gleaming.

The witch and troll went to the kitchen, while the rat went to the dining room beckoning Campy and Vic to follow. They did, with a bit of hesitation.

"You guys look like you can take a joke." The rat said extending his paw out to shake the hand of each man.

They both did, and Vic said, " It's all so unfamiliar I feel like I' m in one of the fairy tales my dad read to me as kid.

"Fairies get way too much credit if you ask me." the rat said looking over the selection of wines in a rack next to the china cabinet.

"How about we start with a Pinot Noir, " he said holding up a bottle. "Then we'll slip into Cab and go for the Merlot with the cheese."

Both men started to salivate like Pavlov's dog.  "Can we help." Vic asked.

"Naw, I fucked with you two enough. Sit down and I'll get this open.  So tell me, what the hell brought you here?"

Campy thought for a minute and then said, " I guess chance."

"Oh, well there goes my bet, I was sure the muggins did it."

"Never met them." Campy answered.

The rat used his tail for a cork screw and had the bottles open and poured in no time. He brought everyone a glass before he sat down himself. In the meantime, the witch and troll brought in dates, nuts, cheese, crackers, grapes and apples. They had finished the Pinot and were ready for the next bottle when the rat saw they would need more and began to open the next bottle followed by the next. Soon, good cheer began to grow as the sun sat in the window of the dining room. Candles were lit and more food brought out, potted meat and crackers, sardines and bread with a dip of olive oil infused with garlic and herbs, and as they drank and ate, they laughed and sang until the moon came up and then they began to dance.


to be continued....

The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

As Campy paced back and forth, he would turn once in a while and stare at the the iron gremlin. Sometimes catching the gremlin with a new face, sometimes not but that didn't matter anymore, it was how to open the door that mattered.

With a snap of his fingers, Girlymann announced, "Got it." He walked to the door and with his arms folded across his chest said, "Boo."

Nothing happened. The iron gremlin held the iron ring in stone silence and the door stayed fast when Campy tried to pull it open.

"Shit, I was sure that was it."

"Maybe it's some witch curse, some kind of spell. How would you know what to do then?" Vic asked and got up to dust the dirt off his butt.

"Could be, I wouldn't doubt it. I guess the only thing is to wait and hope they come back soon."

And wait they did. They told stories of bike rides and bike people. Vic said he missed his girlfriend and Campy his boyfriend back in Italy. They talked of riding in storms and days made as if in heaven. Vic's gal always had champagne for him at the end of the tour, and told him how clever he was and how important to the team.

"She makes feel like a million, even though I carry water to the winners."

"Donatello, he was once a great racer, but an accident ended his career. Yet he is not bitter and if you didn't know him, you would think he was just another bike mechanic. He's much more than that though, and I sit in awe of him yet he treats me like a king."

Vic sat back down with his back leaned against the wall of the cave. "Do you think we'll ever get home, Campy?"

"We'll get out of this. I don't know how but we will. "

To be continued.....

The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

Vic looked at the clasp to see where he cut his finger and noticed that the gremlin no longer had a smirk on its face but bared what looked like a sharp little teeth, only they were iron.

"Campy, I'm sure that clasp was grinning when I last saw it, now it bares teeth."

Girlymann looked at the clasp but noticed it wasn't teeth but a pouting face with the lips sourly closed.
"Take another look."

Vic turned and saw what Campy saw.  "I'll be damned. That clasp is alive Campy." Vic then used his knuckles to knock on the gremlin's head. Nothing happened.

The two men stared at the clasp, waiting to catch the moment it changed but the clasp simply stared back with its pouty face like an iron clasp would.

"This is the queerest damn place. Queerer than a sultan's harem." Campy said while he looked around.

Vic didn't look around. He stared right back but when he blinked, the gremlin changed to a sly smile across his iron face.

"Look." Vic said.

Campy turned and did look but shrugged it off. "I'd be surprise if we weren't inside a dragon at this point. He turned to the gremlin and with his hand, gave a slight tug to the iron ring. The door didn't budge.

"We know you can hear us. Why won't you let us in?" Campy asked.

The gremlin stayed fast. Not a change in his expression.

"Maybe it's a secret word." Vic said.

"Makes sense. Now all we need is to know what the word is. That shouldn't be too difficult."

Vic stared at Campy to see if he was joking but it didn't look like he was and asked, "Any idea what it might be?

Campy studied the gremlin and the door. He paced for a while in thought. Vic sat down on his haunches and doodled on the earthen floor with his finger.

To be continued.......

The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

When Campy turned to thank the rat he saw only the tail disappear into the dark of the cave. With relief, he turned his attention to the oak door. There was an iron ring fastened to the wood but when he pulled on it, the door didn't budge.

"Vic, see if you can find a latch or something." Campy said as he studied the door.

The Belgian did just that with a methodical look to see where the latch to the door might be. They ran their hands over the surface, felt with their fingertips along the thin edge around the door but could not locate any type of lock for the door. The only thing was the iron ring held in the grasp of what looked like a gremlin's iron hands. The little iron figure clasp wore a grin.

Girlymann was losing his patience. He gave the door a hard rap and then tug on the iron ring with both hands but the door didn't budge. Campy then placed one foot on the wall and tugged using his mammoth leg muscles as leverage. Still the door remained fast.

They both stopped their study of the door to ponder. There had to be a way and Campy searched his memory for a clue when they first entered and the door was shut behind them. All he could remember though was the eerie creaks and groans the door made as it opened and then shut after they entered. But nothing about how the troll opened the door.

Vic had sat on the floor thinking, when he turned to Campy and said, "I swear I saw that troll put an iron key into a lock on the other side but there isn't one here that I can see."

Campy thought a moment and said, "You're right, maybe it only works one way, but how do you get back if there's no keyhole on this end?"

Vic had got up from the floor and studied the gremlin clasp that held the iron ring. He put his finger on the mouth of the figurine and was immediately bit on the tip of his finger.

"Ouch! Shit what was that?" Vic looked closely at the end of his finger and found puncture wounds from teeth as if a small animal had bit him.

To be continued......

The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

Campy looked at Vic, the troll and the witch. Vic had the face of desperation painted on him with sweat formed on his brow. The witch was scratching something under her dress with the pointed end of one of her fingernails and the troll was bent over a pool nearby gazing into the murky water.  He had lost sense of time and where they had been led to. On his bike, these things came naturally to him with the wind in his face and the sun on his back. But here, deep in a mountain in France, he was hopelessly lost.

Neither the witch or Boogabob seemed in any hurry of leaving their beloved cave. Campy yawned in a loud voice and then stretched. "You know guys, we could meet you at the cottage, and you two can take care of your business down here. Is there a map or something that will show us the way back?"

"You don't like it here?" Boogabob said in a surprised voice looking up from his pool of mud.
 
"We like it outside. Fresh air, wind in our face. What can I say but I feel like I'm in the biggest closet of my life."

"Relax big guy," the witch said and pulled from her dress a rat. "Follow him and he'll show you the door."

The rat jumped from her hand, came right up to Campy's feet before the rat stood and asked, "You afraid of rats too?"

"A talking rat. This is the strangest place I've ever been."

"And you don't think your strange?" The rat asked. He took the tip of his tail in his hand and used it to dig at his ears. "Witch lint gets into everything. Well, do you want to go see your precious outdoors?"

"Yeah we do," Vic said with a smile on his face.

"Follow me."

The rat took off, going  between Campy's legs.  It took Girlymann for a start but he quickly turned and followed the rodent with  Vic close behind him.  The pace was quick, there wasn't much time to look where they were going or where they came from. Although the rat didn't loose them, he didn't wait either at the crossing over the underground river or in the tight section of the cave but before long, there they were at the heavy oak door. A candle mounted next to the door burned bright.

To be continued.....

The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

Campy wiped at the goo on his cheek but all that did was smear it in as a dark smudge. The breath of the witch was fetid, beyond fetid and Campy tried not to breath in her smell but it that was futile, she reeked of something most foul.

"That's not garlic." Campy said pulling out a handkerchief and covering his nose.

"Oh, I just made a brew and got a bit on me.  Sorry Deary." The witch patted at her dress that was splotched with things better left un-describe.  

Campy rocked on his heels, looking at his watch and Vic as he said, "Gee it's been fun, really, but how about we go back and Vic and me will be on our way."

The witch walked over to the troll while Campy talked and handed him a vial. Boogabob beamed and hurried to a pool on the far side, clicking his heels.

"No hurry Dearie, you and your friend here are hot. And I mean that." She couldn't leave her hands off Campy and squeezed his bicep.

Campy smiled and took his own hand to remove hers. She cackled again but kept her hand at bay. Campy was not amused.

"Deary, Jean Claude is offering an award for the both of you. There isn't a person out there that doesn't want your ass. So stay awhile, we won't bite MUCH." Oh did the witch screech at her joke.

Vic asked, "How much is the award?"

The witch glanced at Vic for a moment before she leaned her neck to peek at Campy's bodacious ass. "Let's say it's a King's ransom."

The troll had come back from administrating to a pool and stood next to the witch. "You're safe here, really. Nobody here is interested in money. Means nothing to us, but there are other things."

To be continued.....

The Adventures of Campy Girlymann in the Land of Trolls

When Vic turned, an icy chill ran down his spine. There, close to him, was a bugged eye ugly woman. Her nose came to a point and her wrinkled face had the slight taint of green found on a rotted corpse. And she stunk.

"Hello Dearie," the witch said.

With a weak and surprised wave, Vic responded, "Hello." 

Boogabob put his arms around the witch and Vic. "Guys, I want you to meet, Zab. Zab, this is Vic and Campy Girlymann."

The witch cackled and screeched. She clapped her hands and twirled and when she finally settled down walked up to Campy, two inches from his face, and said, "I've always wanted to meet you."

Campy's lipped twitched. He turned a tad pale before he said, "You bike?"

Zab's hand felt the contours of Girlymann's chest, his tight pecs, the perky nipples and cooed up to him while Campy gave his stoic best and remained still. 

"You're such a silly man, Campy,' then Zab flicked ten inches of her tongue from her mouth and lapped his cheek. It left a trail on his skin as if a garden snail had crawled on him.

 The troll said, before he burst into laughter, "I think Zab has taken a licking to you."

"Yeah, well, what can I say, "Curse thee fatal beauty. It's been my cross to bear."

To be continued....